lost: brown hoodie, blue v-neck

i spent a long time looking at photos on facebook dated 2006

they may have been taken before

was 2006 the year we all got facebook accounts and transferred our photos from myspace?

seems so long ago

2005 was, maybe, a good year in some way

in one of the pictures i am sitting on my friend's bed

reading a zine we made

the angle is skewed

Initial Encounters That Would Later Be Referred To

when i first met you
my friend said we needed to wait
you were alone
crossing the road, smiling
and my brain said to itself
the smile is nervous and shy
and perhaps melancholic
and i found that comforting

the next time, after you left
i told a mutual friend
your voice was strangely low
because i was picking faults
or drunk
or making conversation
i would tell you at a later date anyway
which made me feel like less of a prick

then you stood behind me
at maumoniats in a black and white hat
and i turned around and you smiled
and said you were going to the
house show later, when i asked
we talked a lot that night about
awkward conversations
and you were worried you were keeping
me from socialising
but i already quite liked you
and it made me happy when
someone asked if we were actually going out
when we told him we had never met before

i don't think i'll get a twitter account

what should i call my twitter account?

should i get a twitter account?

Saints on Wikipedia

St. Anthony
Patronage: lost articles; lower animals; Mail; oppressed people; poor people; Portugal; seekers of lost articles; travel hostesses

St. Basil
Patronage: Hospital administrators, Reformers, Monks, Education, Exorcism

St. Catherine
Patronage: Unmarried girls

St. David
Patronage: Vegetarians; poets

St. Elmo
Patronage: colic in children, intestinal ailments and diseases, cramps

St. Fabian
Birth name: Fabianus

St. Giles
Patronage: fear of night; forests; hermits; lepers; mental illness; noctiphobics; outcasts; poor people

St. Helena
Patronage: difficult marriages; divorced people

St. Isidore
Patronage: The internet

St. Jude
Patronage: lost causes; desperate people

St. Kyriaki
"As she was about to be decapitated, she started praying to God. That was the last thing that she ever did. At the time of her death she was 21 years old."

St. Louis
Patronage: France, French monarchy; hairdressers; passementiers

St. Methodius
Patronage: Ecumenism

St. Ninian
"Nothing is known about his teachings"

St. Olaf
Patronage: carvers; difficult marriage; kings

St. Pancras
"Pancras withdrew to a cave in Pontus where he was discovered by Saint Peter and was sent to Sicily in the year 40 to be the first Bishop of Tauromenium (the modern Taormina). There he met his death by stoning at the hands of pagan opponents of the new religion."

St. Quirinus
Patronage: invoked against the bubonic plague, smallpox, and gout; afflictions associated with the legs, feet, ears; paralysis; ulcers; goiter; skin conditions; diseases affecting cattle and horses

St. Rumbold
Attributes: Depicted as ... a bearded man with a hoe lying under his feet. He may also be shown murdered near a coffer of money.

St. Seiya
"Seiya is sent to the Sanctuary in Greece to become the Pegasus Saint. After six years, Seiya becomes the Pegasus Saint and returns to Japan to find his older sister. Because his sister disappeared the same day Seiya went to the Sanctuary, Saori Kido, the granddaughter of the person who sent all the orphans to train, makes a deal with him to go to fight in a tournament called the Galaxian Wars, where the orphans who survived and became Bronze Saints must fight to win the most powerful Cloth: The Sagittarius Gold Cloth. If Seiya goes to compete there and wins, Saori would start a search to find Seiya's sister."

St. Tail
"The first seven dubbed episodes were loosely based on the original dialogue and, perhaps in an act of political correctness, removed references to God. (This is especially awkward because the story follows students in a private religious school, and because Saint Tail's stealing is sinful to her religion, she always asks for God's forgiveness before a caper)."

St. Ursula
"The Huns shot Ursula dead"

St. Vitus
Patronage: actors; comedians; dancers; dogs; epilepsy; oversleeping

St. Wenceslaus
"There are many legends about King Wenceslaus. An old one claims a huge army of knights sleep inside Blaník, a mountain in the Czech Republic. The knights will awake and under the command of St. Wenceslaus and bring aid to the Czech people when they face ultimate danger"

St. Xenia
"She possessed a deep humility, accounting herself the worst and most sinful of all."

St. Yves
Patronage: Brittany, lawyers, abandoned children

St. Zeno
"According to legend he was stolen at birth and briefly replaced by a demonic changeling. One story relates that Saint Zeno, one day fishing on the banks of the Adige, which he did in order to feed himself (rather than as recreation), saw a peasant crossing the river in a horse and cart. The horses began to get strangely skittish. Zeno, believing this to be the work of the devil, made the sign of the cross, and the horses calmed down."

I just built a bed with my bare bastard hands.
I am now sitting on the bed.
This is the first time my computer has experienced the internet in a long time.



I need a desk.

Drafts - 4 messages

I ate porridge
I drank coffee
I left the house
I went to the library
I used the internet
I felt hostile towards the internet for wasting my time
The internet made me feel small and worthless
I went to the beach
I didn't know what I was doing
I got on a bus
I got off a bus
I walked through a country park
I walked through a farm
I walked up onto the downs
I walked to ditchling beacon
I watched everything for a long time
I could see where I used to work
I went back to the library


Every time I hang out
with groups of people
I remember how much I
like to be alone
I start to crave a simple
life in a bungalow
somewhere
I mean, i don't hate
people really
I don't mind talking
one-to-one with someone
and I like meeting new people
but to meet new people
you have to hang out
with more than
one person
and most of the time
i am just not willing to do that


there is a man that is always at the library
i know he doesn't work there
because if he did he would have been fired by now
he looks a bit like larry david with psoriasis
and less well kept
he always wears the same cap and is reading the guardian 80% of the time
I stood next to him at sainsbury's once
it was the first time i had seen him up close and outside the library
his shopping consisted of 'basics' corned beef, baked beans and a chocolate bar
felt like his soul was laid out on the conveyor belt


"Anterior to conventional means of expression, which reveal my thoughts to others already, for both myself and them, meanings are provided for each sign, and which in this sense do not give rise to genuine communication at all, we must, as we shall see, recognise a primary process of signification in which the thing expressed does not exist apart from the expression, and in which the signs themselves induce their significance externally."

young people are boring.

Following the arrows carved with
‘public footpath’
holding blind faith in
West Sussex County Council.
Through a field of yellow grass
as if someone had just taken off
a huge tarpaulin. Next to a golf course
I imitate the sound of a club
hitting a ball, using my tongue
and the roof of my mouth.
The ‘tcluck’ echoes over the field.

A manor house appears
unexpectedly, I think
must be used in films
and stare a while
until I leave to piss in a bush.

A dog running in circles,
agitated, confused, approaching
why am I there? It wants to know
searching for an answer
from its owner. but its
owner just ignores me.
He seems like he is working.

this is not worth reading.

been lying on the floor, reading bobbie ann mason's 'love life' and listening to mid-west emo.

writing.

not writing.

hastings' pier burnt down, adding to the towns bleak seaside-town character.

as germans might say, hastings is where you would bury your dog.

i saw a dog riding a skateboard today.

he seemed happy.

everyone who saw the dog seemed happy.

people who saw the dog carried on walking, looking back at the dog over their shoulders, sometimes walking backwards with big grins, sharing their grins with loved ones or strangers in recognition of a dog riding a skateboard.


when the weather is nice a man across the road sit outside his front door in a fold-out garden chair, with a portable radio on the table and a tankard.

once i saw him launch out of his fold-out garden chair to stroke a passing cat, but the cat ran away.

saw rvivr the other day.

there was a terrible imbroglio that keeps on flashing back in my mind.

i was just a witness.

still, keep on replaying it, thinking 'oh no', sometimes swearing out loud at passing thoughts.

I Am Very Likable

I am respectful of everyone.

I remember that everyone I'm interacting with is human, too.

I do things for other people, even if I don't know them.

I keep my promises.

I learn and use everybody's name.

I smile a lot.

I am myself.