Five pounds

beach sloth talked about broz ii men here. hehe, thanx beachy.

if u have read broz ii men and u have a blog plz feel free to write a review. even if u don't like it.

i found out what the word 'pica' meant yesterday while doing this maternity module thing i'm doing. just reread laurens' ebook with new meaning to the title. haha i'm such a dumbass.

yesterday i went to a party with laurens and at one point i put laurens coat on and put his beers in my bag and said i was going to the toilet and went to the front door and waited for laurens to come to the front door and then we left.

i just recorded myself typing this then deleted the evidence.

John Ashbery

BROZ II MEN THE EBOOK!!!!!!

broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk
broziimen.blogspot.co.uk

Coming soon

Things that came in the post recently

Wikipedia-style Plot Summary of Armageddon (1998 film) by David Fishkind 

What is it: self explanatory title on double-sided strip of card.
What I thought: think at first I was skeptical about how it'd work and manage to not just be a verbatim copy of the actual Wikipedia plot entry for Armageddon, but Fishkind 'pulls it out the bag', so to speak. Is that the phrase? Seems weird typing it. Parodying the style to describe an actual film is used to good effect. There's a good joke type thing at the end where the author remembers, after referring to it as a meteor up until this point that it might actually be an asteroid. I don't mind telling you that without SPOILER ALERT because this sucker is SOLD OUT!
http://www.americasfunniesthomevideos.no/

Cheque from musicmagpie.co.uk

What is it: ~£153 cheque you cash at the bank.
What I thought: who the fuck listens to CDs anymore?

honestly, i just wanted to make a pdf, but i've been meaning to put it all into a word doc for sometime now anyway. it was written around the same time i wrote something else, in 2009. i had just started writing stories and i guess i wanted to have some variety to my output. so, i wrote this story about a 19 year old girl, told from her perspective and everything. i guess there's an authentic naivety to it. i like that phrase. especially in this context as it makes an excuse seem like a compliment.
i wrote a 3000 word version, which i showed to my then-girlfriend who said she wanted to read more. so i wrote more. i didn't know what to do with it so i published it as a blog. thanks to everyone that read it at the time. and by 'everyone' i mean red and dj. pretty sure it was just you guys.
people talk about their first attempts at something longer than a short story and i always feel like i want to read that. but they also always say they deleted it. maybe it's for the best. maybe what i am doing now is a mistake. it's true, i have doubts. i have doubts about people wanting to read 99 pages, short though they are, in a pdf document. but it seems inevitable i will always have doubts. about everything. all the time.
the only edits i made when making this was the last chapter - 25. i deleted it. the rest is there in it's original form. i couldn't bear to read all of it myself.
Mozart Plays the Violin - 99 page pdf

promotional video for forthcoming collaborative ebook BROZ II MEN (2012)

deleted poem from forthcoming collaborative ebook BROZ II MEN (2012)

Incase you were wondering

Gordon Lish

novels i've finished recently

Christie Malry's Own Double-Entry by B.S. Johnson

what is it: 180 page novel

what i thought: yeah, it was funny, accessible etc. i guess this is like the most famous metafictional novel maybe? it's v self-aware of itself as a novel, to the point where the main character is having conversations with the author about how the novel is progressing. they talk about novels in general. i'm gonna paraphrase a bit here:

'Who wants long novels anyway? Why spend all your time for a month reading a thousand-page novel when you can have a comparable aesthetic experience in the theatre or cinema? The writing of a long novel was relevant to a society which no longer exists. The novel should try simply to be Funny, Brutalist, and Short.'

feel like this novel achieves it's aims. 

Everything's Fine by Socrates Adams
what is it: 188 page novel
what i thought: i think this novel exceeded my expectations. i'm a fan of socrates' writings, from his pangur ban party ebook and other stuff i've read online by him. this novel made me laugh out loud a lot. it reminded me of when i lived on my own and ate a lot of porridge. if you don't like this book you're a dick.

things i've been reading

'Cat' by Alice May Connolly
what is it: ~28 page A5 zine featuring some poems and short stories.
what i thought: this is one of the best zines i've read in a while. nice variety in content. i keep on picking it up and dipping in and out of it. one of my favourite poems is one about the Dalai Lama (and the Christchurch earthquakes (?)) near the middle. the second half of the zine kind of follows a format of v short poems on the left hand page and longer stuff on the right. one of the pages just says 'your topless is giving me an anxiety attack'. feel like i would like to read a 20-page "american short story"-type thing by alice and also a ~90 page poem collection. no pressure alice, just sayin.

The Art of Fiction: Notes on Craft for Young Writers by John Gardner
what is it: ~200 page book on writing fiction.
what i thought: tbh i'm still very much in the middle of reading this atm. feel like i keep on having these revelations while reading this and have probably thought 'why didn't i read this three years ago?' about once every three pages. kinda wish i'd bought this instead of taking that creative writing class with all those middle-aged women where i didn't really learn anything and my tutor said my writing style was "like looking through a window without any curtains". anyway, i guess i'd recommend this book. maybe it depends on where you are as your 'development as a writer' idk. comment if you disagree. or don't. idc.

an excellent life

laurens and i have written a collaborative effort of over 50 poems and short fictions. it will be released by picador in 2013.
we just signed on the dotted line.

sometimes i think about the meaningful relationships
i could have with the girls in ads
on mediafire and pirate bay
like, meaningful, plutonic. they seem relatable.

i will be reading at 'the old market' on 14th march (i think) and 1st april at the next any persan halp me.
more info on the latter closer to the time.

i hope you are all well.

friend request

i am breathing into my coffee mug and warm air is coming back off the surface of the coffee and into my face

i have sold 135 discs to musicmagpie, idk i guess i won't miss them

i haven't written a CV in probably about two years but this morning i became fixated about what i would write if i had to write one now and the ways in which these past seven years have shaped me as a human being, able to take on responsibility, act on ones own initiative etc etc.

i have re-arranged my room and now my bed is just a mattress

Go Home

The phone lit up and vibrated against the surface of the bedside table. He pushed his computer chair backwards and reached for the plastic body, pulling the charger out as he picked it up.

‘Hello?’ he said.

‘Hey,’ she said, drawing out the vowel. ‘So I got to the bus stop and the next one doesn’t come for another 50 minutes.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah…’

‘Are you going to walk back?’ he said.

‘I’m not walking back on my own.’

‘Do you not know the way?’

‘And it’s dark.’

‘I can show you.’

‘I know how to get back…’

‘Do you want a beer?’

‘What? Can I just come back to yours and wait for the next one?’

‘I don’t mind walking with you.’

‘How long is it going to take you to get here?’

‘Well, how long did it take you to get there? I’m leaving now, did you want any beer? I think I’m going to get some on the way.’

‘No. Why are you getting beer? Where are you getting it from?’

‘Mulberry’s. You walked past it.’

‘What? Where?’

‘It was like, right on the corner at the end ofmy road.’

‘You’re weird. How long are you going to be?’

‘Like, 5 minutes?’

‘Okay, I’ll see you in 5 minutes then.’

‘Okay.’

‘Hurry up.’

‘I can’t believe you bought beer,’ she said as he approached.

She was waiting underneath a streetlamp that had a bus stop sign and timetable attached to it.

‘Are you sure you don’t want one?’

‘Yeah. I don’t really like it. I think it’slike, a guy thing maybe. I prefer Southern Comfort when getting drunk.’

They began walking up a road that rose at asteady incline.

‘I have seen many girls drink beer. I’m not drinking to get drunk.’

‘Really? I thought I could take advantage of you.’

‘It might have the opposite effect.’

‘On what?’

‘On my penis.’

‘Oh. Oh yeah. Does that happen to you?’

‘I don’t know. Not really, I don’t think.’

‘I don’t think it’s happened when I’ve beenwith a guy. I was drunk once, giving a blow job and I threw up on the bed… He still waved his dick in my face.’

He laughed.

‘Did you carry on?’

‘Yeah. Twice.’

‘Was that with your ex?’

‘No. It was that guy I cheated on him with. Itold you about it.’

They passed houses, terraced continually, never seeming to have sides. Family houses.

‘So have you found anywhere for next year yet?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Have you?’

‘No… I have a friend who might have a spareroom. I don’t know.’

‘I know somewhere you can live.’

‘Where?’

‘In my pants.’

‘Oh yeah? How much is rent?’

‘£50… No, wait, free. I’m not a whore.’

‘Okay, sounds good. Do you have gas?’ he said.‘Do you have running water?’

‘Shut up!’  she laughed.

‘That was a Samuel Beckett joke,’ he said.

He looked across at her. She seemed to not be listening to what he was saying and was looking across the road or in it’s direction at something, or nothing.

‘Well, the first one. I made up the runningwater bit.’

Their route started to descend and they walked a narrow path that ran through the middle of an allotment site.

‘Is this what you were talking about before?’

‘With the lights, yeah.’

‘“Like a tangled ball of Christmas treelights.”’

‘What?’

‘It’s nice along here.’

‘You can see more in the daylight. Obviously.’

‘Are you going to walk back?’

‘I think so. I can finish this beer then.’

He held up the carrier bag that contained thesecond beer.

‘You can stay over if you want. Did you notbring any condoms?’

‘No. Sorry.’

‘Okay.’ She sighed.

‘Can I use your toilet when we get there?’

GFY

Haven't posted in a while. Soz. Here are some hott vids!!

poem made of top keyword searches for this blog

bad woman like ruffer from other woman bored on the fucking internet 
dungarees argos fucking bored
how do i thank ruffers?
i am fucking bored i'm in the library and really bored im fucking bored on the internet im fucking bored internet

there is a part of me that really wants to blog more

there is a part of me that wants to melt into the sea

i've had a nice time of things lately

here is a list:
a beautiful woman
reading my writing to people i know and don't
meeting people from the internet
watching films made by people from the internet
sharing a set meal at a chinese restaurant with crispin best <3<3<3 (i guess other people were there too)

i also made a tweet of something from fb which seemed funny at the time but then was retweeted by someone who the tweet may have offended and i then suffered embarrassment/paranoia i had offended them...

sorry life!

i'm waiting for the r. stevie moore documentary on youtube to load.

okay, i think maybe it's loaded now.

i'm gonna watch it.

full staps........

Any persan HALP me write up

Last night I read some stuff at a bar called Sticky Mike's Frog Bar. Some other people read as well. Some music was played. Some films were projected onto a wall. Most people drank alcohol. Everyone was boosted. Apart from the two middle-aged dudes in super-hero outfits. They did not seem boosted at all.

Here are some videos from the event.










I read like a "remix" version of Charles Mingus as well as Beige Slacks. Forgot to take copies of Charles Mingus with me. There are still copies left. I will still send one to anyone anywhere.

Thanks to Laurens for putting on the event as well as reading. Thanks to Vicki for also reading. Thanks to Steve for making a sweet video. Looking forward to the next one.